Finding Yourself Is A Lie

     Have you ever heard the phrase, "I'm just trying to find myself"?  It comes in many different forms.  It's a phrase I've heard uttered probably a thousand times, and one I'll probably hear a thousand times more.  In all honesty, I hate that phrase!  To me it implies that you are not who you are and that you need to go out and find the real you.  Is the real you somehow in a different country then the one you are in?  Is the real you somehow at a different job then the one you currently work in? 

     The truth is that who you are is inside you already.  You are not another person.  You may be bruised and buried a little, but you are there.  There may be people telling you what you should be, but who you really are is still there.  Outside circumstances may be telling you that you are something else, but who you are is still there.

     I have struggled a lot with this over the years.  With being a wife and mother comes some preconceived notions of what I should be that either aren't me at all, or are not the whole of who I am.  Whether I was working or staying home with my children full-time, those notions were still there.  They're still here now.  Somehow when I became a wife and mother, some of the things that really helped me feel alive somehow got buried and I became a different person.  Some of it was by choice.  There were things I tried to do that I thought would make me happy because they made other people happy.  That sometimes led to unrealistic expectations.  Some of what I let myself become was by pressure and lack of support.

    One day I sort of snapped and said to myself, "NO MORE!  If you don't do something you will really lose yourself.''  The change started out slowly.  I realized I had to add some things back to myself that I love apart from my family.  I realized doing these things makes me a better wife and mother; they make me a better person overall.  Some of the changes I made I had to fight for.  I knew they were right for me so I just couldn't let them go.

     Even if it is in small ways, try to get back to who you are.  Do you love to cook but can't afford it?  Try to find recipes that include only a certain number of ingredients. Alter old favorites to include, or exclude, certain ingredients.  Do you love to play sports?  Find a weekend league for adults.  Trying volunteering for a local sports association like PONY Baseball or AYSO.  Do you love animals but can't have one or don't work in the field?  Trying volunteering at your local ASPCA chapter or some other animal welfare organization.

     Remember you are already you, you just may need to dust yourself off.  You'll thank yourself for it and I'm sure other people will to.