Friday, December 28, 2018

Finding Yourself Is A Lie

     Have you ever heard the phrase, "I'm just trying to find myself"?  It comes in many different forms.  It's a phrase I've heard uttered probably a thousand times, and one I'll probably hear a thousand times more.  In all honesty, I hate that phrase!  To me it implies that you are not who you are and that you need to go out and find the real you.  Is the real you somehow in a different country then the one you are in?  Is the real you somehow at a different job then the one you currently work in? 

     The truth is that who you are is inside you already.  You are not another person.  You may be bruised and buried a little, but you are there.  There may be people telling you what you should be, but who you really are is still there.  Outside circumstances may be telling you that you are something else, but who you are is still there.

     I have struggled a lot with this over the years.  With being a wife and mother comes some preconceived notions of what I should be that either aren't me at all, or are not the whole of who I am.  Whether I was working or staying home with my children full-time, those notions were still there.  They're still here now.  Somehow when I became a wife and mother, some of the things that really helped me feel alive somehow got buried and I became a different person.  Some of it was by choice.  There were things I tried to do that I thought would make me happy because they made other people happy.  That sometimes led to unrealistic expectations.  Some of what I let myself become was by pressure and lack of support.

    One day I sort of snapped and said to myself, "NO MORE!  If you don't do something you will really lose yourself.''  The change started out slowly.  I realized I had to add some things back to myself that I love apart from my family.  I realized doing these things makes me a better wife and mother; they make me a better person overall.  Some of the changes I made I had to fight for.  I knew they were right for me so I just couldn't let them go.

     Even if it is in small ways, try to get back to who you are.  Do you love to cook but can't afford it?  Try to find recipes that include only a certain number of ingredients. Alter old favorites to include, or exclude, certain ingredients.  Do you love to play sports?  Find a weekend league for adults.  Trying volunteering for a local sports association like PONY Baseball or AYSO.  Do you love animals but can't have one or don't work in the field?  Trying volunteering at your local ASPCA chapter or some other animal welfare organization.

     Remember you are already you, you just may need to dust yourself off.  You'll thank yourself for it and I'm sure other people will to.

Thursday, December 20, 2018

When This Time Of Year May Not Be Easy

***DISCLAIMER:  I am not a professional of any sort in the areas of mental and physical health.  I am simply one who has suffered and survived.  What you read here is just my personal opinion and experience.  If you are in crisis please dial 911 or seek the help of a professional.


I have a love-hate relationship with this time of year.  I love aspects of it; rain falling, a fresh Christmas tree, and sticky buns cooking on Christmas morning are just a few.  Other aspects make it extremely difficult.  Though not in the same year, I lost both my parents just about two months before Christmas.  I had a miscarriage one week before Christmas and had to try and plaster on a happy face.  This getting dark starting at 4:00pm drives me up the wall!!!!  I don't think anybody likes it getting dark that cotton-pickin' early, but I digress.

In all honesty, this year I am having a hard time finding the energy and drive to do even the things that bring me joy.  I have plans to bake a bourbon cake but I'm not sure it will happen.  My absolute favorite thing about this time of year is a real Christmas tree.  Growing up that was one constant in our home.  No matter how bad a year it was we always had a Christmas tree; the earlier the better.  It was like a beacon of hope that things would be okay.  This year, this year our Christmas tree barely went up on Saturday.  Lights went on it on Sunday night.  It still doesn't have decorations.  I promised my kids Friday afternoon they could decorate.

What does my carrying on about depressing things have to do with anything?  If nothing else, let it serve to show you that you are not alone in this world if you also struggle at this time of year; anytime of year for that matter.  I see you and recognize your struggle.  Please don't lose hope.  It's out there.  We might have to dig deep, but I promise it's there.

I saw hope in the faces of two of my kids when we went to finally pick out our Christmas tree.  They walked the aisles with me oohing and awing over all the trees until we found the one  they thought was just right.  I knew hope when we had rain a few weeks ago.  Listening to it and smelling it hitting the brick wall were heaven to me.  My oldest shows me hope when they get happily excited about things they love.

Hope is out there.  There are times we have to work very hard to recognize it.  Do the best you can.  It can be coffee with a friend, a walk in the sun, reading a good book.  , It can simply be getting out of bed and taking a shower.  It can also mean having a conversation with your doctor and/or a therapist.  I've had to search my hope and joy out.  I've also had a conversation with my doctor.  If your sadness persists for a long period of time, or worsens quickly, please seek help.  It doesn't make you weak, it just makes you human.

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Introducing Me

Here I am for the second time trying to start a blog; probably the 100th time trying to start a journal of any sort.  If you find yourself here, I hope you find something that at least doesn't make you roll your eyes.  The beginning here will be a little bumpy.

I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, cousin, friend, and all-around complicated woman.  Let's be honest, who isn't complicated?  Even the most seemingly low-maintenance person I know has layers underneath what I already know; but I digress.  Among other things, I love country music, baking, and am a pluviophile.  I believe in Jesus but have been known to curse like a sailor.  That second thing I am working on.  My kids are my life and my husband says he wouldn't know what to do without me.  

There are times when I think I've got it all together and times I swear the world is going to crash down around me because I forgot Parmesan cheese at the store.  According to one person in my house it will.  They swear pasta must always have Parmesan cheese on.  Growing up in an Italian-American family I can guarantee you this person in my house is wrong, but that could be a post for another day.

If you find yourself here and have any questions, ask away.  If I can I will answer you.  There it is, short and sweet.  Until next time.

When Love Doesn't Look Like A Fairy-Tale

This picture was originally posted by Rachel Martin over at Finding Joy .       When I first read these words by Rachel Martin over...